I haven't been bored today!

I haven't been bored, I'm working hard, and thinking of creative things, Okay I give in I took a picture and then put some triangles on it as I thought it would make it seem arty.
I think that could well have been a fail!

I wanted to make something beautiful!

I'm not sure, or I mean, I don't think that was achieved, but I still kinda like. It shows me even if I am a fraud, I can still create something without drawing, or photoshop.

When are they going to relise I'm a fraud?

Seasonal music at the Eden project. That was a fun project.

As you can see I didn't do very well, but I think I dazzled the tutor by my ability to blow ink and use photoshop. There going to relise soon, I'm sure of it, that I'm an illustrator who can't draw, or not an illustrator. Someone trying to be an illustrator who can't draw. Thats never going to work. 

I can use photoshop yes, I can maybe put together an image. Maybe? I'm still evaluating myself about this. But thats something you can learn, anyone can learn. 

I'm basically doing a degree in drawing, and I can't even do that, this is scary. I wonder what will happen when the find out that I'm a complete impostor, someone who acts the role of a confident image making machine, whilst really there only talent is manipulation.

I mean of images, I've never been very good at lying, just hedging the subject until I'm asked directly.

Hello blog

I haven't done this for a while, its just general neglect really, I really should pay more attention to my poor dying blog. I just don't know what to put on here. This is meant to be an art blog, yet I haven't posted anything on it since June. Should I post something now, its not like since I started uni theres anything I'm terribly proud of, and want to show to the world.
Oh for those people who read this and aren't aware that I'm now in Falmouth learning how to be an illustrator. 
I'm now in Falmouth leaning how to be an illustrator.
I don't know who doesn't know that but I though I should clarify things. 

Well although I hate this I feel my mother would like to see what I'm doing, this is phobia of flying, yer I know its a bit rubbish isn't it.

I need to change my facebook!

You know what I hate about facebook, not the fact you can waste hours on it not doing anything, not that it incurigiuge the unhealthy behaviour of stalking, not even that all you information is recording, and sold onto some faceless complany who does God knows with it. What I really hate about facebook is that you have to define the person you are, or atleast you the person you want people to percieve you as in a few select areas.

What books you like, the music you listen to, the films you watch. And ofcoruse all those othere things which you you like, or are a fan of. Such as the cold side of the pillow. Everyone like the cold side of the pillow, it doesn't make you funny or interesting, it just means you had nothing better to do than click a button. For me I haven't really put much effort into my profile, I havent joined pointless groups, as I don't wish to present myself as the kind of person who has nothing better to do. And up until now I haven't really though about what the things I like say about me, as i\I haven't been presenting myself to anyone. I don't really expect people to facebook stalk me, I'm not interesting enough, and if they do, to find out that I haven't made allowences for them. 

But now I'm starting Uni, people who I don't know are adding ,me, and will be judging me on the small peices of info I let through. As I will be them.

So I have to consider what does having Tristram Shandy, and only Tristram Shandy as my favourite book mean. That I don't read as much as I should, probably true, that I can stick with redicualasly complecated books which no one else reads, whilst find the lovely bones difficult to finnish. Definantly.  But then what else could I put down, I think Tristram Shandy is a marvel, and I'm not going to be one of those people who puts down Harry Potter, I'm not going to admit that to people. And I'm sure for what ever person whos quite board is thinking now is, "You've just posted that information on the internet, idiot!"

Yes I have, but this is my blog and no one reads my blog so I should be alright.

And I'm not going to be one of those people who put down Romeo and Julliet, in there list of books, one because I havn't read it. But even if I had and really loved it I still wouldn't. For the main reason that it makes you think your appearing well read, whilst to the rest of the world, your blatently not that well read, but just a cliche. Your probably a girl as well to be honest.

As for music and films I don't even think I have anything in those sections, but then what are people going to think when they see that. That I don't like music, or films, or didn't want clissify myself in these tiny criteria. 

I mean I love Sufjan Stevens, I think hes a genius, and right this second I'm really into Jeffrey Lewis. But I don't want to listen to them all the time. When I'm pissed off I'm in the mood for Prodigy, or the Epoxies. And I'll even admit, that on my Ipod, I do have one, just one to make clear James Blunt song. It was illegally downloaded, but I did like the song enough to do this. I wouldn't put this on my facebook however as it would make you appear as if you were a cunt. And the most comprehensive collection of one artist on my Ipod would either be Blur, or Placebo.

Now seriously what does this all say about me. That I have a really weird taste, or that I'm unable to make a selection between the good and the bad and instead seem to like pretty much everything.

What I don't want to appear is immature however, althogh think I could well. As I discoverd lst week, that all the applications game things which everyone had like 4 years ago when they first joined facebook, can be found under boxes now. O never even knew those where there, but if someone jugdes me on that I'M screwed, as its just my lazyness which leaves them remaining. Not the love of fighting other Ninjas.

With my utter lazyness I feel my first day at uni could be interesting, no will know what books I like or the music or films I watch. They'll think that I download stupid applications, and obviously love playing shitty games, and when they look at my quote they'll notice one from Fidal Castro. And I think even Stallin. Not because I agree but instead when I was doing a project on communism I becames mesmorised by the wordsmithery used to think that combination of words up.

So don't judge me on my facebook profile, it isn't really me, I just don't pay enough attention to it to do anything, so I don't appear weird in it.

"Do you think that means no camera or no flash?"

Asked the girl when she entered the room displaying hair which had been removed from the bodies of people who had just been gassed to death.

What point do photos become meaningless, no longer recording a memory, something to be cherished. But instead simply recording anything which could be considered noteworthy. Theirs something about this nature of photography I've never felt easy with, not everything needs to be recorded, sometimes just seeing them suffice. With a digital camera its so easy to snap, no engaging brain, just pressing a button, and letting it appear on the screen. With film its different, even if you carry infinant amounts of film with you, the images are still choesen, you set it up and think about it. You don't want to waste a shot. For the common snapper its too easy not think anymore, not to make a choice or actually realise what you doing. Not needing to reflect on what your doing, but instead alowing the cammera to make the descion. At that point your no longet human, just a recepticle to press a button. The human becomes remote from everything, this barrier between them and the real being this little electricle thing . And when you get home you upload your pictures and look at them and relise that you took a picture of human hair which had been removed from the bodies of people who had just been gassed to death.

I'm in Krakow

I'm sorry I know this is meant to be an art blog, its just really difficult whilst your traveling to do that as I don't have photoshop, or a camera with battery, or a scanner.
Not that I've actually been doing anything art related in anyway.
But seeing as this is a little bit of contact with the outside world, even if no one reads my blog as I only have 10 followers, and defiantly no one comments on it, its still fun to write.
And I'm now in Poland, on my own, as my friend went home which is pretty fucking scary for me now. I mean what do I do. I need to just meet people, but currently in the hostel I'm staying in it seems to be over run by this group who don't seem to speak english, which means, yer even if they wanted to talk to me, which I don't think they do they can't.


Anyway the reason I'm writing this, see that paragraph above kind of up lifting, this bit not so much.
Tomorrow I'm going to go to Auschwitz I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest, I'm not even sure that I should go, is that the ultimate in bad taste voyeurism, Or a reminder of the monsters that human beings can be. I really don't know, but I think this could well be a terrible decision. Do we need to reminded of terrible atrocities, or is it something much more disturbing than that. Is it part of human nature to want to be reminded of the appalling acts, of one beings power over another. Whilst we know its wrong we can't help but want to know more.
Like I said I'm really not sure why I'm going. The smallest questions become colossal, when you know what you going to see. I mean what do you even wear for something like that. I know, thats an appalling question to even comprehend, but surely flip-fops would just be incredibly insensitive, there in you beach clothes whilst you looking at where thousands of people were executed.
Seriously why am I doing this. What wrong with me to want to go there, or is it just part of the human condition.