Brain tumor fear

The nothingness of death, the fear that there is nothing on the other side. Or at least thats what I'm trying to illustrate. I felt that I had to finally do this illustration, as a great wave of brain tumor fear came over me. I hate brain tumor fear, its the worst kind of fear, because it gets right inside of you, making you shiver, and really difficult to get off your mind.
I've been getting nose bleeds, is that a symptom, I'm too scared to google it. It feels weird reverting back to the fears I had when I was a child, although it wasn't just brain tumors, it was also asteroids and volcanoes.
When your a child it doesn't matter, you haven't done anything, or at least, you don't think you ought to have done anything. Now you start to feel like your meant to know what your doing.  Like you should have achieved something. Like climbed Everest. or something less ridiculous.
I need to find an achievement for myself.
Preferable within the timeframe that my symptoms give me.
Which could theoretically be tomorrow. I mean the roof could collapse right now, causing the beam in my ceiling to cause sever brain damage, either leaving me a vegetable, or killing me on impact.

This is what happens when I don't have anyone to talk to. I think I need to sort this out, I should be able to stay sane, I mean thats a general rule for society.