Tuesday, 14 December 2010

I haven't been bored today!

I haven't been bored, I'm working hard, and thinking of creative things, Okay I give in I took a picture and then put some triangles on it as I thought it would make it seem arty.
I think that could well have been a fail!

Friday, 19 November 2010

I wanted to make something beautiful!

I'm not sure, or I mean, I don't think that was achieved, but I still kinda like. It shows me even if I am a fraud, I can still create something without drawing, or photoshop.

Monday, 8 November 2010

When are they going to relise I'm a fraud?

Seasonal music at the Eden project. That was a fun project.
As you can see I didn't do very well, but I think I dazzled the tutor by my ability to blow ink and use photoshop. There going to relise soon, I'm sure of it, that I'm an illustrator who can't draw, or not an illustrator. Someone trying to be an illustrator who can't draw. Thats never going to work. 
I can use photoshop yes, I can maybe put together an image. Maybe? I'm still evaluating myself about this. But thats something you can learn, anyone can learn. 
I'm basically doing a degree in drawing, and I can't even do that, this is scary. I wonder what will happen when the find out that I'm a complete impostor, someone who acts the role of a confident image making machine, whilst really there only talent is manipulation.
I mean of images, I've never been very good at lying, just hedging the subject until I'm asked directly.

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Hello blog

I haven't done this for a while, its just general neglect really, I really should pay more attention to my poor dying blog. I just don't know what to put on here. This is meant to be an art blog, yet I haven't posted anything on it since June. Should I post something now, its not like since I started uni theres anything I'm terribly proud of, and want to show to the world.
Oh for those people who read this and aren't aware that I'm now in Falmouth learning how to be an illustrator. 
I'm now in Falmouth leaning how to be an illustrator.
I don't know who doesn't know that but I though I should clarify things. 

Well although I hate this I feel my mother would like to see what I'm doing, this is phobia of flying, yer I know its a bit rubbish isn't it.

Monday, 23 August 2010

I need to change my facebook!

You know what I hate about facebook, not the fact you can waste hours on it not doing anything, not that it incurigiuge the unhealthy behaviour of stalking, not even that all you information is recording, and sold onto some faceless complany who does God knows with it. What I really hate about facebook is that you have to define the person you are, or atleast you the person you want people to percieve you as in a few select areas.
What books you like, the music you listen to, the films you watch. And ofcoruse all those othere things which you you like, or are a fan of. Such as the cold side of the pillow. Everyone like the cold side of the pillow, it doesn't make you funny or interesting, it just means you had nothing better to do than click a button. For me I haven't really put much effort into my profile, I havent joined pointless groups, as I don't wish to present myself as the kind of person who has nothing better to do. And up until now I haven't really though about what the things I like say about me, as i\I haven't been presenting myself to anyone. I don't really expect people to facebook stalk me, I'm not interesting enough, and if they do, to find out that I haven't made allowences for them. 
But now I'm starting Uni, people who I don't know are adding ,me, and will be judging me on the small peices of info I let through. As I will be them.
So I have to consider what does having Tristram Shandy, and only Tristram Shandy as my favourite book mean. That I don't read as much as I should, probably true, that I can stick with redicualasly complecated books which no one else reads, whilst find the lovely bones difficult to finnish. Definantly.  But then what else could I put down, I think Tristram Shandy is a marvel, and I'm not going to be one of those people who puts down Harry Potter, I'm not going to admit that to people. And I'm sure for what ever person whos quite board is thinking now is, "You've just posted that information on the internet, idiot!"
Yes I have, but this is my blog and no one reads my blog so I should be alright.
And I'm not going to be one of those people who put down Romeo and Julliet, in there list of books, one because I havn't read it. But even if I had and really loved it I still wouldn't. For the main reason that it makes you think your appearing well read, whilst to the rest of the world, your blatently not that well read, but just a cliche. Your probably a girl as well to be honest.
As for music and films I don't even think I have anything in those sections, but then what are people going to think when they see that. That I don't like music, or films, or didn't want clissify myself in these tiny criteria. 
I mean I love Sufjan Stevens, I think hes a genius, and right this second I'm really into Jeffrey Lewis. But I don't want to listen to them all the time. When I'm pissed off I'm in the mood for Prodigy, or the Epoxies. And I'll even admit, that on my Ipod, I do have one, just one to make clear James Blunt song. It was illegally downloaded, but I did like the song enough to do this. I wouldn't put this on my facebook however as it would make you appear as if you were a cunt. And the most comprehensive collection of one artist on my Ipod would either be Blur, or Placebo.
Now seriously what does this all say about me. That I have a really weird taste, or that I'm unable to make a selection between the good and the bad and instead seem to like pretty much everything.
What I don't want to appear is immature however, althogh think I could well. As I discoverd lst week, that all the applications game things which everyone had like 4 years ago when they first joined facebook, can be found under boxes now. O never even knew those where there, but if someone jugdes me on that I'M screwed, as its just my lazyness which leaves them remaining. Not the love of fighting other Ninjas.
With my utter lazyness I feel my first day at uni could be interesting, no will know what books I like or the music or films I watch. They'll think that I download stupid applications, and obviously love playing shitty games, and when they look at my quote they'll notice one from Fidal Castro. And I think even Stallin. Not because I agree but instead when I was doing a project on communism I becames mesmorised by the wordsmithery used to think that combination of words up.
So don't judge me on my facebook profile, it isn't really me, I just don't pay enough attention to it to do anything, so I don't appear weird in it.

Thursday, 19 August 2010

"Do you think that means no camera or no flash?"

Asked the girl when she entered the room displaying hair which had been removed from the bodies of people who had just been gassed to death.

What point do photos become meaningless, no longer recording a memory, something to be cherished. But instead simply recording anything which could be considered noteworthy. Theirs something about this nature of photography I've never felt easy with, not everything needs to be recorded, sometimes just seeing them suffice. With a digital camera its so easy to snap, no engaging brain, just pressing a button, and letting it appear on the screen. With film its different, even if you carry infinant amounts of film with you, the images are still choesen, you set it up and think about it. You don't want to waste a shot. For the common snapper its too easy not think anymore, not to make a choice or actually realise what you doing. Not needing to reflect on what your doing, but instead alowing the cammera to make the descion. At that point your no longet human, just a recepticle to press a button. The human becomes remote from everything, this barrier between them and the real being this little electricle thing . And when you get home you upload your pictures and look at them and relise that you took a picture of human hair which had been removed from the bodies of people who had just been gassed to death.

Thursday, 12 August 2010

I'm in Krakow

I'm sorry I know this is meant to be an art blog, its just really difficult whilst your traveling to do that as I don't have photoshop, or a camera with battery, or a scanner.
Not that I've actually been doing anything art related in anyway.
But seeing as this is a little bit of contact with the outside world, even if no one reads my blog as I only have 10 followers, and defiantly no one comments on it, its still fun to write.
And I'm now in Poland, on my own, as my friend went home which is pretty fucking scary for me now. I mean what do I do. I need to just meet people, but currently in the hostel I'm staying in it seems to be over run by this group who don't seem to speak english, which means, yer even if they wanted to talk to me, which I don't think they do they can't.

Anyway the reason I'm writing this, see that paragraph above kind of up lifting, this bit not so much.
Tomorrow I'm going to go to Auschwitz I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest, I'm not even sure that I should go, is that the ultimate in bad taste voyeurism, Or a reminder of the monsters that human beings can be. I really don't know, but I think this could well be a terrible decision. Do we need to reminded of terrible atrocities, or is it something much more disturbing than that. Is it part of human nature to want to be reminded of the appalling acts, of one beings power over another. Whilst we know its wrong we can't help but want to know more.
Like I said I'm really not sure why I'm going. The smallest questions become colossal, when you know what you going to see. I mean what do you even wear for something like that. I know, thats an appalling question to even comprehend, but surely flip-fops would just be incredibly insensitive, there in you beach clothes whilst you looking at where thousands of people were executed.
Seriously why am I doing this. What wrong with me to want to go there, or is it just part of the human condition.

Monday, 2 August 2010

I must write a blog, I must, I must

I'm not entierly sure why I must, I just seem to have irrationally decided this in my head, even though I'm feeling very tierd and sweety, anjd not sure really whats going on, just knowing that we need to get to Estonia tomorrow, otherwise we'll end up camping in a park, without a tent. So more technacally not camping just sleeping. Yer me and my friend have not gradually become more hobo as the weeks gone on.
I must sleep soon God knows what Tallin will bring, maybe we'll be attacked by ex KJB ajents who keep an eye on the "Sattelight" nations, ensureing that Russia has someting, somthing. Yer I lost where I was going with that sentence, but I'm sure it was fucking awsome.
I really don't have anything to say, I just want to witter and rant, as I feel like Iäm inhibiting myself from doing that, as I'm with someone all the time at the moment.
I think thats what happends to me when I'm not on my own, I don't get the chance to rant and talk to myself which means when I do get that chance, like right now for example, I go even more crazy than usual.
But I musn't be negative, thats what the Hippies have taught me. If I feel bad then everything is bad. If I feel good then everything is good.
Lets make things good, never know whats going to happen next.

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

I've just bought a one way ticket to Finland.

What the fuck have I just done, I'm soo scared and I don't even know why. Why have I become so scared, I should embrace things like this rather than get my friend to talk me into thinking thats this is a really good idea and not terrifying. I have absolutely no idea whats going to happen when we get there, and maybe thats the thing I don't like. After 4 weeks of pretty much spending all my time in front of a screen of some kind maybe this is exactly what I need. I mean the most I have achieved over the last few weeks, is drinking a good amount, without being sick either that night, or the morning after. That really is an achievement for me.
This is going to be good for me, as long as I'm not crippled by fear.
I'll miss you mac, and internet, I'm not sure when I'll see you again once I leave.

I know I shouldn't miss the internet, but I'm sure I will, whats wrong with me.
I think I have an emotional attachment to the internet.

Saturday, 10 July 2010

Mr Moleys back home!

After leaving it at a friends house after some vodka like 3 weeks ago. 
Now I have no excuse not to do stuff, instead of what I have done for the last 3 weeks which is fuck all. Yes I have been incredibly productive, not only have I slept like 16 hours every day, I have also completed chocolatier 2 which is a really easy way to waste time. And either watched or listen to everything on Iplayer. 

Wow isn't my life just awesome.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

This is why I don't like summer

Dam you moths, Dam you, keeping me up flying past my ear as I try to get to sleep, this is just ridicules now.

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Work Done

Work done, just waiting.
What the fuck do I do for the next week?

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

The book

The book is at the printers, and my sister wants to see it.
So heres a link for nosey siblings, who think its a complement to describe your work as obvious.

Monday, 31 May 2010

Brain tumor fear

The nothingness of death, the fear that there is nothing on the other side. Or at least thats what I'm trying to illustrate. I felt that I had to finally do this illustration, as a great wave of brain tumor fear came over me. I hate brain tumor fear, its the worst kind of fear, because it gets right inside of you, making you shiver, and really difficult to get off your mind.
I've been getting nose bleeds, is that a symptom, I'm too scared to google it. It feels weird reverting back to the fears I had when I was a child, although it wasn't just brain tumors, it was also asteroids and volcanoes.
When your a child it doesn't matter, you haven't done anything, or at least, you don't think you ought to have done anything. Now you start to feel like your meant to know what your doing.  Like you should have achieved something. Like climbed Everest. or something less ridiculous.
I need to find an achievement for myself.
Preferable within the timeframe that my symptoms give me.
Which could theoretically be tomorrow. I mean the roof could collapse right now, causing the beam in my ceiling to cause sever brain damage, either leaving me a vegetable, or killing me on impact.

This is what happens when I don't have anyone to talk to. I think I need to sort this out, I should be able to stay sane, I mean thats a general rule for society.

When did I become such a bitch.

"I really think that Van Gogh was the greatest artist that ever lived" every time I hear that phrase come out of someone's mouth the first thing which comes to my mind is, WHAT AN IDIOT. And not even the good kind of idiot, the bad kind, where they think they know what there talking about. Those people think there making a statement by saying that, "I like something which isn't exactly as it should be, I'm interesting, and have heard of an incredibly famous artist". There the kind of people who think that Dali defines surrealism (note if you haven't seen BBC's Modern Masters, Dali, you really must, they treat Noel Fielding as an art expert, really is a must see, if only to shout at the TV). Seriously when did I become this person, who judged someone for liking Van Gogh, what's wrong with me, I've become a characture of myself. It may just be that its always the same kind of people who say things like that. Usually arrogant, who automatically think that because they've gone to an art gallery that makes them an art critic. And tend to be delusional of there own self importance, I don't mean to be a bitch, I'm sure I used to be one of those people. I think I'm may just be annoyed by nostalgia almost. Although is it really nostalgia if you've never experienced it, maybe more longing for the past they never experienced. And by making a comment like that, in there mind you can see instantly that they don't really care for modern art. Usually because they know very little about it. And they don't realise that everything, literally everything had an artist of some kind involved. See now I just sound pretentious. 

"I really think that Van Gogh was the greatest artist that ever lived", "Give me Monet any day over one of these so called modern artists". If those words ever come out of you mouth I lose respect for you I've decided. You can't see the legacy of modern art, within graphic, and industrial design, you don't concept because you don't understand it. And you arrogance in saying this, is just a cover up for you ignorance, which your desperately hoping no one will uncover. Or maybe you reveal in your ignorance. And in that case get back to reading "The Sun", some pedophiles need to be lynched.

See I've become a judgmental bitch, I'm not sure why, maybe its this course which teaches you to look down on people, or maybe its the fact that my family are down stars, and there the kind of people who say that.

Saturday, 22 May 2010

So whats hell?

Apart from the impending doom of epic failure, what does one perceive as hell, and how do you clearly illustrate hell without fire and brimstone.

Is this hell, or is it just a bit weird.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Look at my creature

Its meant to be the first living thing for my book, or something like that. It symbolises life basically.
Anyway I like it, which usually means no one else will.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

More project stuff

I love FMP, two posts in one day, as I have neglected the work I should have done sooooo much.

Let us make God in our own image. 

How illustrative and non typographic is this, oh well its an idea, it'll hopefully be developed.

Wow look at my shit project.

I hate it when you get an offer asking you to achieve a certain grade.
I hate it even more when that grade is near impossible to reach.
This is what I have made for it. Its basically something a five year old could do but made by me.

Its meant to represent, "Let us make man in our own image", I don"t think it does that somehow.

Friday, 30 April 2010

If one more person tells me at least you've got Norwich

I will beat them to death with whatever I need to, wether it be my bare fists, fire extinguisher, or a nearby pole. You know what I don't care, just as long as they get the message not to tell me that at least I have one offer at the place which I didn't really want to go to in the first place, and I only chose it because it had a nice website. The thing is I don't even know why I'm so upset, I didn't even want to go to fucking Falmouth, I just seem to be venting all the emotions which I didn't express with my last three rejections, to places I actually wanted to go to into this one. Why can't I just be normal, and not completely over react. And now the ridicules thing is I don't even know how to react. What do I do, congratulate the people who beat me to it, who were perceived better than me, even though inside its really ripping me to shreds, or let my feelings be know, let it out that for some unbeknown reason I'm actually upset about this.

Oh well this is going to be a fun three days isn't it.

Sunday, 28 March 2010


Just to show that I do do work, hears Patty. If you can access this please tell me what you think before it gets ripped to shreds tomorrow. If your the majority of people who can't physically see my blog for unbeknown reasons don't worry about iy.

Monday, 15 March 2010

I know you cant see this unless you put in my new url http://aftermarf.blogspot.com/

http://aftermarf.blogspot.com/ It's my new url. if you click the like it doesn't work.

But I thought I post anyway just to show that I actually did do work when I went home early.
( (I could say unlike some people in a bitchy way) but I'm better than that).

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Is this a bit GCSE?

I cant help but think that I've wasted my time, and that its all a bit GCSE, what does anyone think?

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Which ones better

Ok  I have done more than this today, however its not yet finished so I'll probably post that all tomorrow if I ever finish it. Knowing me I will probably have lost interest over the night. But basically which one looks better, its all for a master plan, which may be revealed if as I said I can be bothered.

There is this version without text, which when I asked my mother looked like "A stylised ultra scan". Why she thinks I would design a slightly arty ultra-scan is beyond me but that was her first thought.

On the other hand there is this with type not very different to be honest. I was thinking one with just the "Z" in there, but my mum thought that was whey to crazy. Although your feedback would be awesome, now I have the monumental number of 4 followers. Yes count them its seriously unbelievable is it not. Anyway back to watching a chick flick about shoes.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Bears Behind Bars

Seemed to have abandoned my blog for a while, I didn't meant to I'm just a bit rubbish.
So heres something which took me about 10 minutes to make, but gave me an excuse to post so it actually made me look like I was doing work.

I am sorry that I couldn't have posted something a bit better.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Last night I danced.

Last night I danced, or it might have been this morning, who knows. Who knows when you have your dreams, all I know is the realisation of waking up, and knowing that it wasn't real. Just your imagination, deciphering the day you've had into the sub-conscience. Telling you the things you fear, or want, or hate, or love. Why do I want to dance so much, I hate dancing, it makes me feel like an idiot.

Dam you slow moving millie.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Does this look good yet

Seriously I need to know, Melissa, my only follower, don't worry if you don't have time to read and comment that fine, I'm just so nervous about this dam portfolio, and want to make sure I send good work.
How can I make this good.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Big Brother is watching you

Design a cover for Penguin Modern Classics.
1984 design, could I submit this for my eportfolios, seeing as I've applied in illustration?

Saturday, 23 January 2010

Sexcaliber hrosspower

I hate eportfolios, I hate them so much, your just there nit picking, looking at the photos you've taken realising that you've got a miscellaneous shadow, however are unable to do anything as the light has faded. You look at your work and wonder, "is this really what they are looking for?". Thinking about all the other people applying for the same course, and how much better their portfolios will be, wondering how to make yours stand out. Also the other reason why I hate doing it, not only because its soul destroying looking at your work in that context, wishing it to be good. But also the amount of time it takes to make them, the hours spent in front of photoshop, simply arranging your work in an aesthetically pleasing, yet functional manner.

Its obsessive, it really is, just trying to make something good, hoping that if you have enough images it'll present who you are.


My eportfolio, of course many people will be able to pass judgment as I have one follower. Why am I even bothering writing this. No ones going to read it. Nobody even knows I've written it. No one knows I've spent day creating a selection of eimages, to be sent off to euniversities, so as they can pass their ejudgment.

Well at least I've just thought of yet another soul destroying thing.

If a blog is written, but no one reads it, has a blog been written at all.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Charming Naivety

I know I don't have much talent, but apparently I can defiantly see, so its not all bad.

My sketched from wednesday fine art, I don't think I'm very good at detail. or making things look like what they really do, and I know that the pics are a tad rubbish, as I just took them in dodgy light, with photographic ability being rather limited. But for once of something I've done, I'm not thinking their appalling.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Alter egos

We were set an alter ego project at college which I missed due to open days, and personally quite pleased that I missed as I don't feel I have one alter ego. I've got loads, I'm always trying to be so many different people, I've got loads of alter egos, depending on who I'm with. This video, well video maquet is me, all of me. Although as I said it's just a practice run, just to see what it looks like, before I spend an hour and a half making it, and then realizing that it looks shit. And wasn't worth it at all.
So if anyone actually goes onto this page, and I'm not just wasting my time, thats what this videos about. Although its just a practice run, there will be a finished piece with a sound track, and it will be much better.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Ok so blog, righteo what do I really say or do, never really done this before. Well actually I tell a lie I have. On myspace, but personally I wouldn't say that, that was terrible successful, as it just resulted in me being incredibly self indulgent, and depressed. Which I'm not, I'm happy, and I do not want to be classed as self indulgent. Although is this being self indulgent, saying what I'm not sure.If it is I am sorry, I don't mean to be, I just always end up saying what I'm thinking at the time if I'm allowed to write. Because in real life you can't do that. You have to edit yourself as you go. Your in a social situation, and due that must conform to social pleasantries, and rules. It can just be very easy to get confused as to what those are, and what to do in stressful situations, such as choosing where to sit.
Well look at me now. I'm just waffling which I think Is almost certainly self indulgent.

OK well the reason why I set this up, not because everyone else at colle
ge has, and I want to be like everyone else. That would never be the reason for anything. I never do things because everyone else does. I am an artist, I am never influence by such things.
So yeah thats the basic reason I am an artist (something which obviously isn't the kind of thing a pretentious twat would say.) And they recommended we set ourselves up a blog to post a work. Although so far I've just made inane comments about nothing.
So I must post my artwork. I think. So this is my work. Not really sure what to say about it except that it doesn't look very good in real life,
but I really like the way I've arranged this slide and thats why I've posted it.

Well now I'm not really sure what to do, do I say bye, its a whole new world. Maybe I should go and find myself some friends on this crazy website, other wise I am just talking to myself. Which I'm not sure but I think it could be a sign of madness.